I have a feeling I am not alone when I say that I feel, irrelevant.
Like many, I am on hold. My job and livelihood have been deemed, non-essential and therefore, I find myself sitting on my bed most days, drinking a coffee, writing to clear space in my brain and saving all sorts of images on Pinterest. Images of recipes to try, movie quotes and interior spaces I’d like to live in. The day is filled with coming up with activities to fill the time. I read a book, maybe bake some cookies, counteract that with a workout, more Pinterest, way too much Instagram and patiently wait for the three socially acceptable meal times throughout the day.
The world will always value the arts. People will always create and while not exactly essential right now, there is an escape we all feel and are grateful exists and that is because of the artists.
However, I can’t help but feel irrelevant.
I don’t really associate myself with the artist category, nor do I fit the criteria for saving and contributing to humanity like the nurses and politicians. So I think there must be a few of us, questioning our chosen careers during this current pandemic.
I have no resolve here, no advice or resolution for this feeling. But I think it’s important to let feelings sit with you for a while. Allow them to make you feel a bit uncomfortable and uneasy. Keep it unresolved and let them linger. Sit with the sour taste in your mouth and savour the questions that come out of it.
I think it’s a natural instinct, to want to contribute and be part of the solution in any way we can or know how. And realising you have no skills to contribute for this particular pandemic, may have you also feeling irrelevant. And while sounding somewhat selfless, it can also be a little narcissistic no? To think that maybe things could be better if you had become an epidemiologist instead of <insert your irrelevant and non essential job here>. Because your impact would make such a difference because it’s you.
I laugh as I write this because I think of the story of the kid who wanted to try save the starfish on the shore. Google it if you don’t know it.
It talks about the importance of making a difference, even just for the one.
I’m not trying to say you can’t make a difference with the little you have or know, or that you have an inflated sense of self if you think you actually can, I just like to type things as they come into my head and then hope that I can make sense of some of it after.
Perhaps we will come out of this with thousands of new sign ups for the army and an influx of medical students.
But most definitely, some really good non- essential albums and books too.